


Falling for Her

by applesaucedinosaur, blake_is_strange



Category: Original Work
Genre: College, F/F, F/M, FTM, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, T, Teen Pregnancy, Trans Character, Transition, Unplanned Pregnancy, packer, top surgery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-03-23 13:03:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13788318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/applesaucedinosaur/pseuds/applesaucedinosaur, https://archiveofourown.org/users/blake_is_strange/pseuds/blake_is_strange
Summary: Lexi Savin is a high school senior nearing graduation, but when she gets pregnant and her parents kick her out she's completely at a loss. At least until she meets Chloe.This is a story that Blake and I are writing together. She came up with the story and the characters. I'm mostly just here to edit and brainstorm. It’s about a bi girl and a lesbian and they fall in love and it’s cute!





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So, Blake and I are writing an original work together and I wanted to share it with you guys. It’s published on Lyd's old Quotev profile too. It’s about a bi girl and a lesbian and they fall in love and it’s cute lol. I hope you enjoy and have an awesome day! 

Lexi’s POV

“Is it possible that you might be pregnant?” The doctor asks me, clipboard in her hand as fires off questions that were practically routine from years of checkups and fixing broken bones and torn muscles. But for the first time in my life, this question makes my heart sink like a rock down to the pit of my stomach. Derek and I have been having sex for a little less than six months, but a few weeks before this moment he had insisted on doing it without protection since I was on the pill. I pause, unsure whether or not I wanted to tell the truth. If I am pregnant, it would be about as close to the end of the world that I’ve ever gotten to. Well, the end of my world, at least. It would change my life forever, no matter what I decide to do. “Lexi?” I jump as the doctor’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.

“I’m sorry, I zoned out,” I apologize, massaging my temples before continuing. “I suppose that it could be possible.” The doctor nods, tapping her pen on her clipboard for a moment, like she is trying to think of a decent way to reply.

“Would you be willing to take a pregnancy test?” She asks, giving me a nervous look. Dr. Rogers has been my doctor since I was sixteen and has seen me put my body through a lot of stupid and hard shit from soccer and other dumb choices. So it isn't surprising that she seems about as concerned as anyone else who knows me would be. I take a deep breath, nodding and giving her a weak smile.

“Better to be safe than sorry, right?” I reply, my heart rate picking up significantly. Every fiber of my being is saying no, telling me to just ignore the symptoms that have brought me to the doctor’s office in the first place. 

“Alright, just get changed and head on down to the lab and they’ll take your blood,” Dr. Rogers says, getting up from her seat and walking towards the door. “The test will take a couple days to process, but we’ll call you with the results before next Wednesday.” I nod, grabbing my discarded leggings and tank top off the seat next to me. When the doctor leaves the room, I get dressed again, thanking my early morning self for deciding on leggings instead of shorts or jeans. 

I’ve been feeling insanely nauseous on top of barely being able to eat and feeling super bloated for the past four weeks. Not to mention that my period was supposed to have started two weeks ago and I haven’t even had cramps. I’ve tried to blow it off as the flu, but I had decided to make a doctor’s appointment just in case. I’m used to being sick so I was a little freaked out when I started feeling so shitty for so long. 

Once I finish getting changed, I make my way over to the lab, sitting down in the chair they had set up and closing my eyes as the nurse stuck the needle into my arm. I have gotten sort of used to being poked with needles because of previous injuries, but I still hate needles more than anything else. Well, maybe not anything else, but whatever. After the nurse takes my blood, she gives me the whole speech about making sure to eat something right after and to drink lots of water before letting me leave. I have to head to school after the appointment, but I decide to stop by Starbucks first to get a sandwich and something sweet to drink during chem. 

I’m a senior in high school and it’s the last week of finals I’ll ever have. Well, high school finals, anyway. When I get to the school, I put my car in park, taking a deep breath as I look out at the campus in front of me. It‘s only third period and my final wasn’t until fifth, but I still feel anxiety rushing over me in waves. I just need to process. But I also don’t want to process at all. I don’t want to think of all the things that might happen if I am pregnant or if I am actually just sick or anything like that. I just want to go to school and be happy that I only have one week left. Just one week and then I will be able to move away to college with my fancy soccer scholarship and never come back. 

I mean, don’t get me wrong, Malibu is a great place to live. But it’s a shitty place to grow up. To me, at least. All I want is to go to a nice college to get a degree in sports medicine and become a physical therapist so that I can help people while hopefully making a good amount of money. Maybe then I can worry about having a family, but for now I have other, more pressing things to deal with. I mean, I am captain of the soccer team, vice president of the student government and I have to keep my GPA as high up as humanly possible. Not to mention friends and a boyfriend to worry about. 

My phone chimes next to me, making me jump. I look down, seeing a text from Derek pop up on the screen. My hand shakes a little too much as I take the device in my hand, unlocking the screen to read the message.

Derek: hey babe you coming to class? missed you this morning <3

I swallow dryly, trying to forget the doctor’s appointment and the fact that my blood is currently being tested for baby hormones. 

Me: yeah, be there soon, overslept

Derek: haha yeah right, lexi savin never sleeps in

I smile at that, shaking my head. It was true, there’s no fooling him, I guess. 

Me: you shouldnt be texting in class, you need to study for your chem final

Derek: yeah yeah whatever mom

My heart skips a beat at the text, which immediately makes me feel stupid. I shouldn’t be so touchy. He doesn’t know about any of this, I haven’t thought to tell him. I probably should’ve already but I’m scared of what he might say. Derek is a nice guy and I really care about him, but he definitely isn’t the dad type. He’s one of those guys that makes dead baby jokes and gawks at other girls when I’m around. Which doesn’t bother me since I’m always able to keep his attentions and affections pointed in my direction, but it’s still kind of frustrating. I mean, part of me doesn’t blame him, girls are fun to look at. They’re probably fun to kiss and stuff too. And girls don’t have to worry about getting pregnant if they had sex with other girls, so that's another plus.

I shake my head, trying to clear it. I’m used to thoughts like that, I’m no stranger to the curiosity that has clawed at the back of my mind since I first saw a girl that I thought was attractive. It was the whole showing and expressing it part that always makes me hesitate. People around here aren’t exactly accepting of that sort of thing, despite this being Cali and everything. Sure they’ll say outwardly that it’s fine and doesn’t make a difference, but they always end up whispering about it later. But I have more important things to worry about at this moment.

Getting out of my car, I sling my bag over my shoulder, pushing down the nervousness and nausea I feel boiling in my gut. I just have to get through today and then I will have a weekend of practice, coaching, and studying to distract me from all of this. Until then, I just need to focus on the math final and pretending that I am perfectly fine. Which shouldn’t be too difficult, I’m used to doing that at school anyways. I think most people are. Making my way to the office for a pass, I try to ignore the uncharacteristic silence of the campus that’s left after everyone has gone to their classes. After getting a pass from the office, I make my way to my science class. Derek’s in this class too, which makes me want to skip it altogether and just go home. But if I don’t show up, people will wonder where I was and ask questions and I really don’t feel like being interrogated today. So I walk to class, opening the door to see everyone already taking their finals. I already took mine early since I wasn’t sure how long my doctor’s appointment would take when I made it last week.

I hand Mrs. Richards my pass, smiling softly as she nods and motions for me to sit down at my desk. I walk down the middle of the isle, going to sit right next to Derek. We’re lab partners, which is a blessing and a curse all at once. He’s smart, but also distracting and easily distracted. Hence why he immediately looks up at me and smiles like a bit of a dork when I walk up to our shared lab table. I can’t help smiling back, even though the fact that he was looking at me now and that I know I might be having his baby made my stomach flip upside down and then tie itself in a knot. 

What would I even do in that situation? Would I even tell him? What would he say? 

I take a deep breath and sit down next to him, hoping I’m playing off the whole “I’m fine, everything’s fine” thing well enough. I set my book bag down and look up at the TV in the top corner of the room, smiling to myself when I see that Mrs. Richards has actually decided that when everyone was done with their final, we can watch Bill Nye. I joked about it last week, but it looks like she took it a bit more seriously than I did. But it makes me a feel a little better nonetheless. 

I sit for awhile, just doodling in my notebook as everyone takes their finals around me. Granted, it doesn’t help that I already took the test and have nothing to focus on besides the fact that my life might be changing in a crazy way, but the drawing helps nonetheless. I space out a little as more and more lines draw themselves over the lined paper. First there is a nose, then a left eye, then a right eye and the beginnings of a smile, one that I barely recognized, but feel like I know anyway. When I get to the hair, I take a moment to just look at what I had drawn. It’s almost like a stereotypical face, one that feels familiar even though I have no idea who they are. But the smile makes me smile back, so I guess it isn’t so bad. 

The screeching of stool legs on tile brings me from my thoughts as Derek gets up and takes his papers up to the front desk, setting them down before strutting back like he’d just completed the most challenging task of his life. I roll my eyes, but smirk despite myself. He is weirdly adorable when it comes to school work and studying in general. He hates school but he does as well as he can so he can keep wrestling for our school. Part of what had made him attractive to me in the first place, is the fact he’s captain of the wrestling team. Strong and good looking and hard working with the chiseled jaw of a Greek god. No wonder he charmed me into something as stupid as unprotected sex. He’s essentially my dream guy. But sometimes I wonder if he is really the guy I want to marry. The one I want to have a family with. 

He must’ve noticed how much I was thinking because when he sits down beside me, he takes my hand under the table and kisses my cheek. My cheeks burn at the affection. I’m not used to public displays of affection like that. It feels weird even though it was sweet. He knows how stressed I’ve been lately and he is surprisingly thoughtful for a stereotypical jock. 

The class doesn’t last much longer after that, the bell rings before everyone has finished the final. But that doesn't stop me from packing up my book bag and leaving the classroom with Derek at my side, holding my hand as we walk down the hall to my English class. 

“I think I aced it,” he says, smiling smugly, his head held high and a little swagger to his step as we walk down the hall. I roll my eyes at him again, but I can’t stop smiling no matter how ridiculous I think he is. 

“Did you study?” I ask him, putting a bit of dryness into my voice the way I usually do when he got overconfident. Which is quite often for him. He knows how good he is at certain stuff and he’s not afraid to show it. But, as much as I care about him, he sometimes needs to be knocked down a peg or two. 

“I did, a little,” he replies, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to pull me closer and kiss the top of my head. “Did you ace it?”

“I hope so,” I say almost absentmindedly, staring off into space a little. I feel suddenly very sick. Maybe the spinach wrap wasn’t such a good idea. “I have to pee, I’ll meet up with you at lunch.”

“Oh, alright,” he says, kissing my cheek again before letting go of me. I smile as best I can before fast walking to the bathroom, my stomach clenching as my throat starts to burn. Yeah, the spinach wrap was a bad call. 

When I finally get to a bathroom, I drop my stuff on the floor and run into a stall, locking the door and practically falling over as I lose my breakfast into the gross public school toilet, tears stinging my eyes as my stomach wretches over and over again, my entire body shaking. 

When I finally stop throwing up, I sit back and lean against the stall door, taking a deep breath as I try to calm down my racing heart. I let my eyes close, suddenly exhausted. 

“I need a nap,” I groan softly to myself, running my fingers through my hair. Why didn't I bring toothpaste with me? Now I’ll have barf breath for the rest of the day. I shiver and gag a little at the idea, putting my hand over my mouth as I breath deeply through my nose. No more of that. I have a really boring movie in English to watch. I think Pride and Prejudice or something. 

“H-hello?” A small voice echoes off the tile covered walls, making me stiffen as I try to keep quiet. I know that whoever they are, they can probably see me leaning up against the stall door, but maybe they’ll just go away. “Are you ok? I… I thought I heard you uh… Being sick.” I sigh softly, more out of embarrassment than annoyance, deciding that there’s no use hiding. Plus, they sound concerned so that makes it a little easier not to be too anxious about walking out and finding out who they are. 

“Yeah, I uh… I had some bad fish last night,” I reply, getting to my feet and opening the stall door, smiling as best I can under the circumstances. I’m surprised when I see who was standing a respectable distance away from the stall I’d been in, a shy but friendly smile on her face. God, what’s her name? The tan, freckle covered cheeks and shy brown eyes are familiar but I can’t remember who she is. I know she's in my math class, but she always sits in the back and avoids talking to anyone except for the guy who I assume is her boyfriend by the way he makes her giggle in the middle of lectures and by the way they hold hands whenever they walk in and out of class together. 

“Do you need some toothpaste?” She asks, taking me off guard while also managing to fill me with a relief I’ve rarely experienced in the past. 

“Please, if it’s not too much trouble,” I say, sounding desperate even to my own ears. Luckily though, there’s no judgement on the other girl’s face, just a smile as she digs around in her rather large purse to pull out a travel sized tube of toothpaste just like the one I use at home. I take it gratefully and wash my hands before spreading some onto my index finger. “You’re a lifesaver,” I say, smiling at the other girl and seeing her blush just a little. 

“It’s no problem,” she says, smiling back as she looked just about everywhere else in the room that isn’t in my general direction. Except for when she thinks I’m not looking. But I don’t mind because the fact that my mouth no longer tastes like I just tried to swallow a battery is the best feeling in the world.

“I owe you,” I say, laughing softly after rinsing out my mouth and sighing in relief, leaning against the sink. “Is there anything I can do to thank you? Like buy you lunch, do your laundry for a week? Hell, I’d take your math final for you today if you asked me to.” That seems to get her attention cause she gapes a little at me for a moment before realizing herself and laughing, shrugging as she shifted on her feet. 

She is such an adorable person and really pretty. I always thought that. Her face is round with high cheekbones and almond shaped eyes, her long dark hair covering part of her face as she looks at the ground in what I guess is shyness. I know that some people make fun of her for her weight, not to mention the fact that she was six months pregnant. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. It's not super obvious until she moves her purse more to the side to show that she has a bit of a belly going on. I can’t help the mixture of emotions that fill me at the confirmation of all the rumors I’ve heard. Why can’t I remember her name?

“I’m Lexi,” I say, deciding that introducing myself might help her feel a little more at ease as I hand her back the toothpaste she let me borrow. She smiles, taking her toothpaste and putting it in her purse. 

“I’m Michelle,” she replies, looking much more comfortable. “It’s nice to meet you officially.” I can’t help smiling at that. I am glad she feels more comfortable, I hate when people feel antsy or anxious just because I’m around. I know some people find me intimidating, but I don’t always know why. Mia, my best friend, tried to explain it to me a few times but I don’t understand how good grades and being the captain of a sports team made me any better than anyone else. Because I’m really not better than anyone else. 

“Ditto,” I reply, smiling at her as I pick up my things off the floor and sling my backpack back over my shoulder. “We should hang out sometime. What are you doing at lunch?” Michelle seems surprise at that, but smiles anyway and shrugs.

“Well, usually James and I sit together and talk about whatever, but I could tell him to go entertain himself for a half hour while you and I hang out,” she says, looking excited about the idea of us hanging out. I usually spend time with Derek during lunch, but that basically involves me sitting there with his arm wrapped around me while he talked rugby with his jock friends and I really don't have the patience to sit through that today. 

“Sounds good to me,” I say with a smile, grabbing my phone and handing it to her after bringing up my the dial screen. “Go ahead and type in your number and I’ll text you when I get out of class.”

“Perfect,” she says as she types in her number and saves it, shooting herself a quick text before handing me back my phone. “I’ll see you then. I hope you feel better.” My stomach does a flip when she says that and I can’t help the way my eyes flick down to her belly and then back up at her face, an awkward smile tugging at my lips. 

“Thanks, I’m sure it’s just a little food poisoning, nothing I can’t handle.”

She laughs at that, rolling her eyes and turning to walk out. 

“Alright, just call me if you need more toothpaste,” she calls back as she walks out of the restroom, leaving me alone in the silence again. I sigh, leaning back against the sink and running my fingers through my hair. 

I know it’s gonna be one long ass day. 

 

English class is boring as usual, but it’s better than sulking in the bathroom, I guess. Lunch is right after, so I text Michelle and ask if she can meet me at the gym. I always eat lunch near the field if I can just because I like watching people kick the ball around and join whenever I feel like it. But today, I’ll do my best to stay off the field and talk with Michelle. I have always been curious about her, not to mention that her and I probably now have one very life changing thing in common. 

When I spot her walking over with a couple textbooks in her arms and I smile, waving her over. When she gets close enough for us to hear each other talking at a normal volume, I greet her with a smile as I move my backpack aside, giving her a shady spot to sit at the table I claimed. She heaves a sigh and sets her stuff down, leaning back in her seat and wiping a drop of sweat from the side of her head. I can’t blame her for being a little hot, it’s hotter than usual today anyways, plus she has what looks like three rather heavy textbooks and a purse that was overflowing with notebooks and carrying another living person so I can’t really fault her for looking like she just run a marathon. 

“You ok?” I ask, unable to help the fact that I am a little concerned. She laughs softly and nods, pulling out a large bottle of water and sipping from it before letting out a more relieved sigh.

“Better now that I’m sitting,” she replies, smiling at me before shuffling around in her bag and pulling out what looks like a burrito wrapped in a paper towel. I watch her carefully, suddenly getting lost in my own thoughts as I chew on a mouthful of the turkey sandwich I brought. I wonder what must be going through her head. What does a person think about when they’re in that sort of situation? She seems happy. Maybe she had wanted to do this. Or maybe she just accepted it a long time ago. Her boyfriend seems to be supportive enough. That probably helps a lot. The idea makes me sink a little further into myself. What will Derek be like if I tell him? If I am really pregnant, will he be by my side through it or will he leave like I imagine he will? 

“Lexi?” 

I jump, looking over to Michelle and smiling nervously. 

“Sorry, I spaced out,” I say as convincingly as I can, taking another bite of my sandwich. 

“Is everything ok?” She asks, taking me a bit off guard. She seems legitimately concerned. I can’t think of anything to say fast enough which must spur her on because she keeps talking. “I know we’re not exactly best friends or whatever, but you’ve been acting really weird lately. Not that it’s any of my business, it’s just… Well, you always space out in class and end up doodling instead of taking notes. You didn’t have the top score on the last quiz we took and you rarely raise your hands to answer questions anymore.” I sit there for a moment, processing what I just heard. I can’t help laughing after a moment, covering my mouth with my hand and looking away. 

“I- I’m sorry, that’s not supposed to be funny, I just… Wow, you got all that from me not answering questions in class and my quiz scores?”

“Well, I mean, it’s not like you’re hard to notice,” she says, looking a bit embarrassed. I feel guilt prod at me, sighing as I run my fingers through my hair. 

“I… Well, stuff has been a little weird lately,” I admit hoping to make her feel a bit better. She perks up a little, a look of curiosity as well as concern on her face. “I’ve had a weird stomach flu thing happening the past week, so that's probably what it is,” I add quickly, smiling as best as I can. She doesn’t seem all that satisfied with my answer, but she seems to be polite enough to let it go, taking a bite of her burrito. My brows furrow when I see peanut butter and sour cream on the inside along with the usual things you'd expect in a homemade burrito. 

“Uhhh, what is that?” I ask, unable to stop myself. Michelle pauses for a second before seeming to realize herself, laughing and blushing as she sets the burrito down and unwraps it a little so I can see whats was inside. 

“Bean, cheese, rice, sour cream and peanut butter burrito,” she says, acting like it was pretty normal for the most part. But when I raise an eyebrow at her, she blushes deeper and clears her throat. “The baby really likes peanut butter. He’s weird like that. But it’s one of the only things that stops anything I slather it in from making me nauseous so I eat as much as I can of it in pretty much everything.” 

“Oh, that makes sense I guess,” I reply, smiling a little. Michelle has this dreamy sort of smile on her face, like she’s thinking about something that makes her more happy than any amount of peanut butter ever could. “When is he due?” I ask, deciding that it’s better to bring it up than to act like it isn’t happening the way most other people around here seem to. Well, unless you ask them about it when Michelle isn’t around. Then the gossip flows like water over a dam. But when I ask, Michelle smiles so bright that it was almost hard to look at. How can she be so happy about something like this? 

“Well, the doctor says that he’s due August 16th, but I think he’s gonna be a little late and come somewhere around the 23rd or something,” she says excitedly, forgetting all about her burrito for a moment as she speaks. “Not that I want him to stay in there any longer than necessary, but I feel like he might need extra time. James was premature and he had a lot of problems as a baby so I guess I kind of hope this little one is late so that he can be all strong and healthy when he finally decides to meet us.” I can’t help smiling as she speaks, consumed by her adorable enthusiasm, even though the idea of being anywhere near a baby scares the living shit out of me. But Michelle seems so overwhelmingly excited about it that I can’t help feeling joy on her behalf. 

“Do you have any idea what you’re gonna name him?” I ask, deciding I should finish my sandwich even though I’m starting to feel a bit nauseous again. If I really am eating for two I should be putting more food in me than a sandwich, especially before soccer practice, but I prefer to just pretend everything is normal until I’m told otherwise. It’s less terrifying that way. 

“James doesn’t like it that much, but we decided on Landon,” she replies, putting her hand to her belly and smiling softly. “I think it would suit him. Especially if he looks anything like James.” I laugh softly, imagining the bean pole of a computer nerd holding a much smaller version of himself. 

“It’s an adorable name,” I say, finishing my sandwich and using every ounce of my willpower not to gag it back up again. 

We talk like that for awhile, going back and forth about names and where her and James decided to live after they both save up enough money and even what hospital Landon will be born in. I’d been there once after getting a concussion, it was a nice place. Very clean, nice atmosphere when you subtract the feeling of death and sickness practically oozing out of the walls. But that was all hospitals, so I decide to keep my negative thoughts to myself. When the bell rings, we stand and make our way to math class where she wraps me in a friendly sort of embrace that I can’t help returning before promising to text her so we could make plans to hang out again. Then we go and sit down on opposite sides of the classroom and this tall, Barbie looking bitch next to me scoffs at me like I’d just made friends with a goddamn leper or something. But I decide to ignore her, even though I’m a prickly ball of irritation suddenly. 

What’s her problem? I grab a pencil and eraser out of my backpack, trying my hardest not to say the thought out loud. I think her name is Amber or something. She’s a cheerleader, kind of annoying, but I hadn’t felt this kind of irritation towards her since we’d met. I shake my head, deciding I need to focus. If Michelle had noticed my lack of participation and effort, then there’s a rather large possibility that everyone else had too. All I have to do is pretend that everything is normal. That can’t be too hard, right?

“Alright class, I know that you’re all excited to finally be at the end of your senior year, but you’re not done yet,” Mr. Martinez says as he passes out a rather large packet which I’m guessing is our final. “You’ll be taking a one hundred question final today that counts for an extremely large portion of your grade, so try not to fail. No phones, no calculators, no notes and no talking. Good luck.”

I watch as the packet of test questions is slowly passed down the rows, like everyone was suddenly accepting a death sentence. When the pile finally comes to me, I take a packet and pass the pile back to Michelle, giving her a reassuring smile. She looks like she’s about to hurl from nerves. I want to tell her that she’s got this under control, but I’m not supposed to be talking, so I just turn around again and look down at the test, hoping I’ll just be able to answer everything without thinking too hard. Out of all the things I wish I was doing right now, this math final was so far down on the list that it wasn’t even funny. I sigh, putting my pencil to paper and getting work. Might as well get it over with.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe needs a new roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this is chapter two of the story my girlfriend and I are writing. I hope you all enjoy it!

Chloe’s POV

“So you’re just going to leave? That’s it?” I ask much less angrily than I’d meant to. It wasn’t hard to believe. We’d never talked about her staying for long anyway. It was supposed to be a fling, that’s what it had always been. Until I started developing feelings, anyway. I should’ve known better. She had a boyfriend. Sure, he was a drug addict and a huge asshole, but better than a lesbian, right? 

 

“You and I both knew this was going to happen, Chlo,” Beth says as she grabs her suitcase and starts to make her way towards the door. “I love him, you know that. This wasn’t supposed to be a thing.”

 

“But you’re the one who wanted this, I told you from the start that I thought it was a bad idea,” I say weakly, leaning back against the wall just beside our… My room, I guess, and she opens the front door. 

 

“Don’t start,” she snaps angrily, giving me that look. The one I’d come to know very well over the past few months. We had only been roommates for maybe four months, but the last one had been the most intense. Sure there had been sexual tension, fights over stupid stuff like we were an old married couple. But her boyfriend had been over, egging her on. When he wasn’t around or when he stormed out cause the two of them had gotten in some huge fight, I was the one that wrapped her up in a blanket and gave her a hug and made sure she was ok. Now, after we’d slept together whenever the two of them had gotten in a fight, she was leaving. Apparently, she loves him and I’m a threat to that. Which I guess makes sense. I didn’t exactly say no the first time she kissed me or took off her shirt and told me to do whatever the hell I wanted to her. 

 

Not that any of that mattered because now she’s leaving and this aching hollow in my chest won’t let me stop her. 

 

“Fine.”

 

It’s all I can say. What else am I supposed to do? It’s not like anything I say can convince her to stay. I can tell that it’s not what she wants me to say, but she doesn’t seem to care much. She just sighs, looking at the ground and then around our apartment, like she’s remembering all the stuff we did together, all the actual good times we had. Then she looks at me again, like she steeled herself for what she’s about to say.

 

“Don’t call me,” she says firmly, but I can still hear a shake in her voice. Then she walks out and closes the door, leaving me in the silence of an empty apartment that feels even more empty without her in it. 

 

The anger I feel is slow for a moment, like my head and heart aren’t really sure whether to be angry or just crawl back into bed and cry it out. I look away from the door, pushing down the hope that she’ll come back, that the door will open and she’ll tell me that she never really loved him, that she was just afraid of how she felt for me. I can’t help thinking about how pathetic I must look, standing alone in the living room and staring at the floor like a hole will appear if I look hard enough and swallow me whole. 

 

I turn around and walk into the bedroom that we used to share over the past few weeks, picking up the red roses I’d tried to give Beth when she got home, bringing them out into the kitchen and tossing them in the trashcan, my limbs feeling heavy as I was, the beautiful crimson petals mix with leftover coffee grounds from this morning. 

 

How stupid must I be to have thought she’d respond well to such a romantic gesture? I know for a fact that she hates that kind of stuff. Maybe because her boyfriend doesn’t do things like that for her. I probably scared her off. Honestly, I probably should’ve known better. It was just sex, that’s all it had ever been and I was an idiot for assuming it would ever be more than that. 

 

_ Not that it matters, _ I try to convince myself, walking back into the bedroom and looking around for anything else that might be hers.  _ I have other shit to worry about. I need to find another roommate now for one.  _ I sigh at the thought, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers and trying to will my headache away. I grab my laptop, opening it up and creating a word document. What the hell am I supposed to say?

 

“Hi, I’m looking for a roommate, gay man preferred?” 

Attention grabbing? Sure. Effective? Maybe not. 

 

I sigh and type out a simple want ad, deciding that the less complicated things are, the better off I’ll be. I print it out, closing my computer and setting it aside before laying back on my bed and staring up at the ceiling. I really shouldn’t be so surprised. She was bound to leave eventually. It’s not like we were soulmates or really in love. I had just started to care about her more than I should’ve, I guess. 

 

My chest clenches when I think about her, how much we laughed together, how often she would just kiss me because she knew she could. Not that I didn’t like it. I loved it. But every time I knew that I should’ve said no. I should’ve stopped it when I had the chance, but I didn’t. 

 

I should probably call someone, maybe go out and get a drink or some pizza or something. Maybe Michelle is free. She’s so sweet and she’ll definitely want to help me cheer up. I wonder if she’s out of school yet so I grab my phone and look at the time, seeing that it’s almost 3:00. I really do miss Michelle, she and I hadn’t been able to hang out for awhile. We had grown up together, but I had skipped a grade so I graduated before her. Now we’re both busy with school and she’s pregnant so she doesn’t really have time or energy to do much more than homework and sleep. 

 

I get up off the bed and decide to shower, knowing I probably smell like ass. I walk into the bathroom and look around, the whole room looking extremely bare without all of Beth’s makeup and hair products and face washing crap. She’d even taken the toothpaste with her.

Which isn’t even fair because technically I had bought that toothpaste. Oh well, I’ll just buy more later. I get undressed and hop into the shower, getting ready as quick as I can. I hate being here by myself. It’s too quiet, too empty. I hate it. 

 

Part of me just wants Beth to come back, to get out of the shower and see her walk in the front door, begging me to take her back. But another, more logical part of me knows that there is no way in hell that I would, or should, ever take her back. She obviously doesn’t care about me. Not that it matters. I can live without her. I can wake up in the morning without her and go to work and not think about her and come home and not immediately want to kiss her. 

 

I shake my head and get out of the shower, drying off and getting some clean clothes on, not even bothering to do my hair all that much, just drying it off and running a brush through it and brushing my teeth with some mouthwash before picking up my phone and calling Michelle. The line rings a few times, more times than I’d like, though. I walk out into the living room, pacing as I wait for Michelle to pick up.

 

“Hello?” She says, surprising me out of my pattern of pacing. 

 

“Michelle, hey,” I say hurriedly, my heart suddenly skipping in my chest. I hate talking on the phone sometimes, but right now I’m just scared that she’ll be busy. “Are you busy right now?”

 

“Not really, I was just going to hang out and relax at James’ place since he has some college applications he needs to fill out. Why?”

 

“Can we hang out? I… I really need a friend right now,” I say softly, looking at the ground as I continue to pace. 

 

“What happened? Are you ok?” She asks, sounding much less casual and more concerned. It made me feel a bit better, just knowing that she cared about what I was going through even though we haven’t had much time to hang out lately. I felt my insides twist with guilt at what felt like a selfish thought. Michelle had a lot more important things to worry about than her idiot friend getting her heart broken again. 

 

“I’m ok,” I say even though it’s hard to convince myself that it’s the truth. Michelle knows how attached I am to Beth, how I’m basically head over heels for her even though she apparently couldn’t give a flying fuck about me. “I just need to hang out with someone, you know?”

 

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” she says as I hear someone else grumbling in the background. “I know, James, but she sounds upset. Yes, I know You have applications to fill out, but Chloe doesn’t want to be alone. Plus, you need to learn how to do those on your own.”

 

“James can come too,” I say before the two of them can get in a fight. He’s always been clingy, but ever since Michelle got pregnant he won’t leave her side to even let her pee most of the time. I don’t really blame him, though. From what I’d been told, it was a pretty high-risk pregnancy with her weight and a few other health problems. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been worried about her too. 

 

“Are you sure?” Michelle asks, pulling me from my thoughts as I pick up a Victoria Secret’s catalog Beth must’ve left behind. I walk over to the trash can and toss the magazine in, deciding I should probably deep clean the apartment later. Maybe it would distract me. 

 

“Yeah, just tell him not to be such a whiny bitch the whole time,” I say somewhat jokingly. I like James, but sometimes he could be a little annoying when Michelle wanted to do stuff that he didn’t want to do. But Michelle laughed and that helped me feel a little less like the walls were closing in on me. 

 

“Will do,” she says. “We’ll be there soon.”

 

“Okay, see you,” I say before hanging up and plopping myself down onto the old black sofa, staring blankly at the dark television screen. I half expect Beth to walk back in and say she’s sorry, but as I wait for Michelle and James to show up, I start to realize that I really don’t want her to come back. This needs to be the end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and have an awesome day!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things could have gone... better.

Lexi’s POV

When the last bell rings for the day and I’ve barely made it through my final without drawing attention and passing out or something, I rush to my car. I don’t really want to speak to Derek after class like usual. I just want to get home. I stop myself before I reach for my handle. Home. Oh dear god. I can’t face my parents right now. I sigh and lean my forehead against the top of my car, flinching away at the heat from it. Fuck California heat. Fuck everything right now honestly. I feel nausea rise in my stomach again as my phone buzzes in my pocket. 

Derek: are you already at practice, babe?

Practice. How could I completely forget? This will be perfect. I can escape from everything and just burn off all this nervous energy.

Me: yeah i forgot my gym bag in my car but im heading there now

I shove my phone into my pocket and open my car door to grab the bag I keep in my passenger seat for soccer so I never forget it. I would never have remembered it this morning. Hopefully I've washed the clothes buried inside recently. I snatch it up and slam my door back, making sure to lock it before I go. I rush to the locker room to change into my practice outfit. I push open the door to see the bitchy blonde bimbo from earlier seemingly harassing one of my players. As team captain it is my responsibility to make sure my teammates are well taken care of and I'm far from being nice about it right now. 

“You're not allowed to be in here, Barbie,” I spit harshly at the girl. She's slightly taller than me but she's nowhere near intimidating. She spins around and glares daggers at me, still gripping tightly to what looks like a cellphone that's she's still holding above the frightened girl’s head. I can see now that's it's my teammate, Marsha. Marsha looks at me like she's scared to speak. The blonde grits her teeth at me and tries to size me up.

“This is none of your business, Savin,” she practically growls at me. I grit my teeth as I try to just stay calm. I’m normally not the biggest fan of bullies, but today hasn’t exactly been the best day so I can’t help the way anger fills my chest like someone had poured lava into my lungs. I take a step closer, looking straight into the taller girl’s eyes, my fists clenched at my sides. 

“It becomes my business when you start messing with my team,” I say as evenly as I can, knowing that if I talk too loud that the coach will know something’s up. I really don’t feel like having to run three miles today. “So unless you want that pretty set of teeth of yours kicked in, I suggest you give Marsha back her phone and get the hell out of my way.”

The blonde girl looks pissed, her jaw clenched tight as she turns to face me completely, looking at the phone in her hand like she’s analyzing it before giving me a tight smile and throwing it on the floor, stopping the heel of her shiny white tennis shoe on to the screen. Marsha gasps, the tears that had collected in her eyes starting to fall down her cheeks as she looks down at her totalled phone. 

“You’re lucky I don’t end your streak as team captain for talking to me like that,” the blond bitch says before taking a step into my personal space. My heart starts to race, my muscles tensing. I don’t want to have to fight her, but at this point, I’m ready to smash her face into a locker. I open my mouth to say something smart, but then I hear the locker room door open and my skin goes cold. 

“What the hell is going on in here, ladies?” Coach Mills asks, her voice booming off the walls as she makes her way towards us, her brows furrowed when she sees Marsha crying. “Are you serious, Amanda? This is low even for you.”

Oh right, that’s her name. 

“It’s not my fault, Coach, she was pushing me!” Amanda whines, her eyes already full of fake tears. But Coach Mills doesn’t seem to be buying it because she rolls her eyes and motions for me to move out of the way. I step to the side and she puts her hand on Amanda’s shoulder to move her so she can check on Marsha. She looks so upset, I can’t believe no one saw what was happening. I’ll have to find out a way to get her a new phone because Amanda sure as hell isn’t going to replace the one she stomped on. 

“Alright, Savin, go run laps for unsportsmanlike conduct,” Coach says to me over her shoulder. I don’t even bother arguing, walking to my locker and getting undressed so I can put on my practice uniform. “And Amanda, get your ass to cheerleading practice before I call your fathers.” Amanda just lets out a noise between a screech of indignation and a groan before stomping out of the locker room, my whole body starting to feel loose and tired now that the situation has diffused immensely. 

“What the hell happened, Savin?” Coach asks me as I pull my jersey over my head, putting my hair up in a ponytail.

“I don’t know the whole story,” I say honestly before closing my stuff into my locker and walking over to where she and Marsha are sitting on a bench, my teammate still sobbing and sniffling. I don’t blame her, really. She’s a shy girl, not much of a people person and she’d never hurt a fly, then all of a sudden Queen Bitch comes in and starts harassing her and breaks her phone. I’d be traumatized too. “I just walked in and Amanda was being a huge bitch and took Marsha’s phone. Then when I intervened, Amanda smashed it on the ground. I don’t know why though.” 

Coach nods, rubbing Marsha’s back and looking even more confused than she had before she walked in. 

“Alright. Well, go run, practice is gonna start soon,” she says, waving me towards the door. I nod, heading out the door. I can’t even begin to imagine what Marsha had to have done to get Amanda on her case like that. Either way, it’s messed up. 

I head to the track, already feeling warm as the sun beats down on me, anxiety making my stomach flip. As if I haven’t had to deal with enough today. But maybe running will clear my head. 

 

It’s been five days since my doctor’s visit and I still haven’t heard anything. I tap anxiously at my desk as I read over the review in the back of my history textbook, barely taking in anything that I’m reading. It’s like I’m seeing all of it, but none of it is registering. It’s all just letters that don’t even make up real words at this point. 

I seriously need to get a grip. This is ridiculous. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I constantly feel like I’m going to lose my lunch. I can’t take this waiting anymore, but there’s nothing I can do. It’s not like I can call up the doctor’s office and be like “Hello, I’m calling because I may or may not have another human being growing inside me and the suspense is literally killing me, so if you could let me know if I’m pregnant, that would be swell.” 

I groan and lay my head down on my textbook, breathing in the scent of old paper and factory ink. I just want to sleep. Maybe if I take a three year nap this will all just go away. 

Then, like God himself was reading my mind, my phone starts to ring, making me jump. I nearly drop my phone as I scramble to pick it up and answer the call. It’s a number I don’t recognize. Great. 

“Hello?” I answer a little too frantically, waiting for what feels like an eternity for an all too cheery nurse to reply. 

“Hello, is this Alexandria Savin?” She asks, the smile in her tone making me feel irritated for no good reason. 

“That’s me, who’s this?” I swear to God if it’s a solicitor I’m going to flip my desk and pitch my textbook out the window at this point. 

“My name is Natalie, I’m calling for Malibu Regional Hospital regarding some sensitive patient information about a recent blood test,” she says, my heart skipping a beat. Oh God, this is it. I think I’m gonna puke. “I just have to ask a few quick questions to make sure that you’re the patient I need to be speaking with.” I barely hold back a sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers, balancing my elbow on my desk. 

“Okay,” I say as patiently as I can manage. My heart is pounding like crazy. How the hell do they expect people to sit through stuff like this when they’re calling about pregnancy tests? It’s stupid. 

“Date of birth?” She asks.

“January 23rd, 1997.”

“Mother’s maiden name?”

“McNiell,” I reply, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice. I just want this to be over.

“Okay, one last question,” the nurse says with that same cheery tone. Goddamnit just say it already! “Your father’s date of birth?” 

“March 13th, 1974.” 

“Perfect,” she responds politely, typing something into a computer, the tapping of the keys making me tap my foot anxiously under my desk. “Alright, so you came in on Friday and took a pregnancy test, is that correct?”

“Yes,” I reply as I start to chew at my nails, making the tips of my fingers hurt because I’ve already chewed them to nubs. 

“Alrighty, the test came back positive. Congratulations!” She tells me as my heart sinks into the deepest pits of my stomach. 

“Thank you.” I rush out quickly before hanging up. I don't even give myself time to ask if she's sure she read it right. I know she did. I've been able to tell this entire time. But I've forced myself to push it down, try to ignore it. Now I can't. I'm totally fucked…

Now it's real. I can't deny it any longer. What do I tell Derek? What do I tell my parents? What will happen? Fear begins to eat away at me again, only this time it's rational and that makes its impact a thousand times worse.

My body shakes as I try to calm myself to no avail. I freeze instantly at the sound of a knock at my door. Fuck. I've barely had time to process anything and now someone's at my door. My heart hammers even harder in my ears and I can't hear the person on the other side asking if they can come in until my bedroom door swings open. 

“Alexandria?” I hear my mom's irritated voice call out. What the hell could she possibly want right now? 

“Yeah?” I ask as evenly as I can as I watch her walk into my room, looking around my room like I might be hiding drugs or something. She walks over to my bed and then to my desk, looking down at my textbook. 

“You’ve been in here since you got home,” she says as if it’s some sort of crime to want a few seconds to myself. 

“I wanted to study for my History final,” I reply, trying to emphasize the truth in my words. But my mom doesn’t seem all that convinced. 

“I heard you talking,” she tells me, looking around my room again like a band of naked men will just materialize out of thin air. “Was there someone else in here?”

“No, I was just saying the facts so I could memorize them better.” That’s the fastest I’ve ever thought in my whole life. But it doesn’t look like she’s buying it. Fortunately, she doesn’t seem to want to push the subject, a weirdly worried look forming on her face. 

“You’ve been running yourself a bit ragged lately,” she says, almost irritated that I’ve actually been trying to keep my grades up. I almost feel guilty for being angry, but I can’t help it. Something about my mom always pisses me off, even when I’m not a raging ball of hormones. 

“Yeah, being an overachiever will do that,” I reply a bit too sarcastically, apparently, because she looks upset again, putting her hands on her hips in that angry white woman pose. 

“You don’t have to be such a smart ass with me, Alexandria,” she practically spits at me, my fist tightening around my phone before I set it on my desk so I don’t snap it in half. 

“Neither do you, Linda!” I scream at her, jumping up from my desk chair overdramatically. 

“Excuse me?” my mom says exasperated, confusion clearly overwriting the anger in her eyes. I'm never one to blow at my parents. Ever the perfect child when it comes to everyone but my mom's standards. Never one to stand up to the people I'm supposed to respect. 

“You heard me,” I utter through grit teeth. I'm so done with her bullshit. I honestly don't have the patience to deal with it tonight. “I have more important things to worry about right now, ok? Can I not just have a few minutes to myself?”

“What the hell has gotten into you?” my mom screams back at me, her anger returning at full force. I hesitate for a moment, my brain trying to process the question. My entire body practically goes limp as I plop back into my chair in anguish. 

Well for starters, a growing embryo, that's what's gotten into me. The thought makes me shiver before I even realize I muttered it aloud. I watch as my mother's jaw drops and her eyebrows practically leave our atmosphere. 

“Repeat that?” She asks, her tone a mixture between anger, confusion, and exasperation. 

I look up at her from my spot in my desk chair, the way her brow furrows making me wonder if she’s really as irritated as she seems to be, or if she’s just confused. Maybe I can tell her. I mean, what do I have to lose? 

“I’m pregnant,” I say as confidently as I can. I need her to know because, at this point, I know I can’t do this by myself. 

There’s a long pause, my mom’s face going from confused to enraged. My heart races in my chest, hammering against my ribs as I wait for her reaction. 

“I… I can’t believe this,” my mom says in an almost breathless sort of way, sitting down on the edge of my bed like she’s about to faint. I watch her, unable to help wondering if that’s what I look like right now too. That’s how I feel. Like everything is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it. “How did this happen?” I barely stop myself from saying something sarcastic, looking away from her.

“Derek and I have been sleeping together for awhile and… Well, I guess there was a little lapse in judgement,” I explain somewhat bashfully, knowing that the last thing I wanted to do was talk to my mom about sex. Not that it matters, she knows how babies are made. 

There’s another long pause, a moment when all I can hear is the sound of my own breathing and the hammering of my heart in my ears. I just wish she would say something. What could she be thinking right now? 

“Well, you have to get rid of it,” she blurts out, pulling me out of my own thoughts. I look up at her again, confusion filling me. 

“What?”

“You have to get rid of it,” she says again, looking at me firmly as she stands up, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at me like I’m sick or something. “You can’t have a baby now. You’re graduating this weekend and then you’re off to college in the fall. You can’t have a baby. It’s just not the right time.”

“You think I don’t know all that?” I ask her, staying where I am, feeling anger rise in my gut at her words. It’s like she thinks I’m stupid or something. “I haven’t made up my mind about what I’m going to do.”

“Well, then I’m making it up for you. I’m scheduling you an appointment at the clinic to get this problem taken care of,” she says with a huge amount of finality. I can’t help bristling at her words, getting to my feet. I don’t know why, but everything in me is fighting her everytime she speaks. 

“No,” I tell her, keeping my gaze locked with hers. “I’m not going to… No. Just no.” I can’t even think about it. I’m not exactly a pro-life person, but the idea of getting rid of the person growing inside me feels weird and unsettling. Not to mention that I’m more than ready to prove to my mom that this is my choice, not hers. 

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said no!” I tell her again, clenching my fists at my sides. “You’re not in control of me. This is my decision and I’m not going to… to get rid of them. No matter what you say.” 

The anger on my mom’s face is frightening, completely unnerving. She’s getting red in the face, her nails digging into her arm and leaving red marks behind. When she finally speaks, her voice is quiet, way too collected sounding for how she looks. It’s eerie. 

“Then get the hell out of my house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We hope you enjoyed! Have a great day! Muah!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Michelle go to coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I've been wanting to work on some of my original stuff for a while so I thought I'd post the new chapter for this one since I like it and if you guys like it then yay! I know that it's pretty angsty rn, but it will soon become less angsty, I swear lol. A special thank you to my co-creator and editor, @applesaucedinosaur, she's amazing and also beautiful and I love her so much lol. Thanks to you guys, and I hope you enjoy!

Chloe’s POV

 

“So she’s just done?” Michelle asks me as I pin one of my flyers to the event board at the Starbucks down the street from the apartment. It’s not very crowded, but the people here always seem very down to earth and usually look sane. 

 

“I guess so,” I reply, sighing a little and turning to face my old friend as she sips at her decaf iced tea that she obviously hates. “But it doesn’t matter, because whether she’s done or not doesn’t make a difference to me. I’m done with her, for real. No turning back. I refuse to get back into that on-fire-trash-can of a relationship.” At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the past few days. Michelle has been probably the best friend in the whole world to me since I told her what happened. She dropped what she was doing just to hang out with me and even stayed the night at my place after Beth left. 

 

“Good for you,” she says with a smile, looking at my flyer. “But, are you sure about this? It seems a little weird advertising this to random strangers.” I shrug and go sit at the table next to the bulletin board. Michelle follows and sits across from me before taking another sip of her tea. 

 

“Unless you have a secret job and a willingness to move out of your parents' house this week, then I don’t have a lot of other choices,” I tell her as I look around the Starbucks, wondering if any of the people here will soon be my new roommate. We sit down at a small table and Alice, one of the baristas, walks over and hands me a cup of black coffee, a smile on her face. 

 

“You’re usual,” she says as she sets the cup down, a small blush to her cheeks as I take it and smile at her. 

 

“Thanks, Alice. How’s your dog? Didn’t you have to take him to the vet the other day?” I ask awkwardly, just trying to make conversation. Alice is probably one of the cutest girls I’ve ever seen and I can’t believe I haven’t gotten her number yet. But after everything that’s happened with Beth, I’m not sure I’m up for anything right now. Maybe in a month or two when my sheets stop smelling like rosemary shampoo and coconut oil, I can get a cute girl’s number and take her on dates and buy her flowers and all that gooey crap that Beth never wanted me to do for her. 

 

I barely stop myself from letting out a sigh as Alice’s words bring me back to the now, her face lighting up as she talks about her Australian Shepherd named Bernard who’s about a hundred and thirty in dogs years. At least, that’s what I’d guess from the pictures she’s shown me in the past. 

 

“So they think that he had a tumor under his left ear, hence all the puss and everything,” Alice says as she wrinkles her nose, probably remembering that nastiness she’d had to deal with. That’s why I’d never really wanted any pets. They always get old and die when you least expect it. 

 

“Is he okay now?” Michelle asks, her voice full of concern as she hangs onto Alice’s every word. She’s always loved dogs, especially the French Bulldogs she has at home. They’re cute and slobbery. 

 

“Oh yeah, he’s good now,” Alice says with a smile, looking at me with a small blush. “Chloe was nice enough to put a good word in for me with the vet so I got a discount.” Michelle gives me a look like she knows exactly why I gave Alice a discount at the vet. So he’s my cousin and I told him that I’d put in a good word for him with this cute coffee shop girl if he gave her a discount, how is that incriminating? 

 

I just smile and take a sip of my coffee. 

 

“It’s no biggy, he’s my cousin anyways,” I tell her, but Michelle only seems slightly less suspicious. 

 

“Regardless, I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you enough,” Alice says, giving me a look that I haven’t gotten in a while, her red dyed hair hanging a bit in front of her eyes as she looks at me like I’m some kind of hero. I can’t help the heat that covers my cheeks as I look down into my cup of coffee, hoping she won’t see how gay I am from just a look. 

 

“There’s no need to thank me, I was just trying to help out,” I say before taking another sip of my coffee. Michelle is looking at me like she knows exactly what I’m thinking and I’m hard pressed not to believe she can actually read my mind. 

 

“Well, consider yourself hooked up with free coffee for the next week,” Alice tells me, brushing her fingers over my shoulder before walking away. I can’t help watching her walk away, my eyes roaming from the bright red bun on top of her head to the curve of her hips. I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair, holding my coffee in my hands. During my moment of recovery, Michelle starts to laugh, her face buried in her hands.

 

“Oh my god, Chlo, she’s on you like white on rice,” she barely gets out around her giggles. I roll my eyes, holding back a smile. 

 

“She is not,” I say as I take another sip of my coffee before setting it on the table.

 

“Are you kidding me? She’s  _ so  _ into you! She was ready to take you home.” 

 

“That’s the last thing I need right now,” I chuckle softly, looking down into my mug as I run my thumb up and down the side. I need to figure all my life shit out before I start chasing after pretty girls in coffee shops. 

 

“Fine, let’s move on,” Michelle says, leaning forward over the table so I’ll look at her. “You’re coming to my baby shower, right?”

 

“Hell yeah I’m coming to your baby shower,” I reply with a smile, relief filling me at the pleasant distraction. “I can’t miss my nephew’s first celebration.”

 

Michelle seems overjoyed at that, her lips curling up in a huge smile. I lean back in my chair and listen to her start to talk about how excited she is to throw a party for her unborn son. I drink at my coffee and wonder how she can be so happy when her life is practically falling apart. Her parents threatened to throw her out and the only reason they didn’t is because Michelle had convinced them that they’d want to see their grandchild and be there to take care of her during the whole process. 

 

But in the meantime, James’ parents told him that they wouldn’t pay for his college after he graduates, but if I know James, he’s definitely not going to school. Not because he can’t, just because he doesn’t want to. 

 

“I think I’m going to name him Landon,” Michelle says, pulling me from being totally spaced out, my eyes having been locked on a blue car with some kind of rainbow alien sticker on the back window. I look back at her and smile, imaging a little baby with Michelle’s nose and James’ eyes. “But James isn’t a fan.”

 

“Tell him that he can name them when he has to carry them around,” I say teasingly, getting a laugh out of the younger girl. 

 

“Will do,” she says through her laughter, seeming to lose herself in thought for a moment. “So, what are you going to do? Now that Beth is gone, I mean. Are you gonna ask out barista girl?” I can’t help sparing a look at the red-headed waitress, a smile pulling at her lips as she rings up a customer and hands him a receipt. I look away hurriedly and laugh, shaking my head.

 

“Nah, I think that’s the last thing I need,” I tell her honestly, setting my empty mug down on the table. “Plus, I have a lot of other things I need to be focusing on. Like work or… work.” She laughs at that and rolls her eyes, making me smile. Making Michelle laugh was something I’d never get tired of. 

 

“You’re such a stick in the mud,” she teases me, getting to her feet and grabbing her bag. “Well, I have to get back to James before he has an aneurysm. I’ll text you and we can hang out again soon.”

 

“You got it,” I say as I get to my feet, giving my friend a hug before she leaves. I sigh as she goes, feeling weirdly drained from everything. I should go to the gym, try to get rid of some of the nervous energy that’s making my stomach flip and my muscles tighten. I leave a five dollar bill on the table and walk out of the Starbucks, getting in my car and drive about ten minutes to the gym. 

 

When I walk into the gym, it’s almost totally empty. There are a few men around, one is looking at himself in one of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors, lifting an impressive amount of weight, another two are sparring on one of the mats. I make my way to the locker room and change into my shorts and a sports bra, walking out into the main gym. There’s no one at the punching bags, so I head that way and grab some hand wraps out of my bag, wrapping them snugly around my hands. I take another moment to plug my headphones in and turn on some music - rap specifically. I know it’s not exactly the most wholesome music to listen to, but it gets me pumped up and that’s honestly what I need right now. 

 

When the music starts, I take a deep breath, turning it up loud in my ears so it almost hurts a little. I shake myself out a little, doing my stretches and then locking onto the punching bag in front of me. Ten years of kickboxing and martial arts training come flooding into my veins and I silently thank my parents for making me take all those classes growing up to get rid of my surplus of energy. I take a few practice punches, the bag barely rocking from the impact and I can feel the anger building in my chest. The resentment, the fear, the loneliness, everything boiling up, writhing in my gut until I want to scream, my fists connecting with the bag over and over.

 

My muscles burn, my knuckles throbbing, some popping with the impact every few hits, sweat beading on my forehead as I bob and weave around the swaying punching bag. I slam my left fist into it and let it sway before bringing up my right leg, kicking it so hard that I’m sure the three guys that were sparring could hear it. 

 

Images of Beth flood my head, her smile, the way she looked in my sweatshirt, the curve of her lips. I punch the bag harder, sweat dripping down my face. Her voice fills my head, memories of months of flirting, of cautious touches, of kisses and nights wrapped up in her. Her skin, her voice, her body. 

 

I want to scream, I want to tear this damn thing apart inside me, I want to destroy myself, but I can’t. No matter how hard I hit, no matter how much sweat that falls off my body, no matter how tight my chest feels. No matter what I do, Beth is there and my grief over our goddamn fling sticks in my throat like sap. The only thing that stops me from tearing the punching bag down and throwing it against the wall is the presence of the men across the room. 

 

I start to imagine the guy Beth left me for. His blonde hair, his muscles that were always flexed when she was around, that fucking smirk whenever he’d come over to pick her up to go out. It’s like he knew. It makes my blood boil, makes my heart throb and clench until I can hardly take it anymore. 

 

With a grunt of exertion, I throw one last punch and nearly fall against the punching bag, my limbs sore and my knuckles and legs aching. 

 

I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but when I look up, the guys that were here are gone and some other guy is mopping off the mat they were on. I sigh and lean my forehead against the punching bag, trying to catch my breath. 

 

I just need to forget. If I was really feeling impulsive, I’d probably just go buy some vodka and get blackout drunk, but I know that I won’t be able to go to work tomorrow if I do that. I sigh again and shove the bag away from me, grabbing my gym bag off the floor and carrying it to my car, pulling my headphones out of my ears and driving home. 

 

When I get back to the empty apartment, I go straight to my room, dropping my bag on the floor and going back to the bathroom, deciding a shower is in order. 

 

Maybe someday, when the memories are gone, I can be normal again and just… Live. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Go ahead and leave comments if what you think and if you want, you can follow me on Tumblr @blake-is-strange97 for all kinds of fun, gay stuff and you can also follow my girlfriend/editor/co-creator @applesaucedinosaur. Thank you all again so much and have an awesome day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to leave a comment. You can also follow us on tumblr: @lydia-is-strange and @cryscrossapplesauce


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